Lady Truth Speaks or No More Lifetimes!

1:07 pm, 8/19/2009, Wednesday, 6 Ahau/Light, Lord, Sun (Composition info, including Mayan calendar day)


A previous Indian embodiment draws closer.  Listening to Yogananda’s autobiography,* I wept, yet again, at the news of the passing of his Guru (teacher), Sri Yukteshwar.  It seems he was/is my Guru in some life.  Why else this gut-wrenching response?

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Allowing the feelings from the experience to express, mercifully, in my now, is fruit of having sworn off 'stuffing.'  Ah, love for the Guru takes so many, varied forms; this one, so common, but nonetheless poignant: deep mourning at his passing.

I am grateful, too, for the increased clarity of recent days.  I am able, when these feelings come up—for there are many others—to simply recall that I am whole, lacking nothing, and these are merely experiences from a lifetime  complementary to my “reading,” (audio book) rising into awareness.  I am grateful.

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2:44 pm, same day

Okay, having just heard Yogananda tell of the visit of the resurrected Sri Yukteshwar, and the long teaching received in his Bombay hotel room with the Master regarding his resurrected state, and the astral and causal levels, I come here to ‘meditate’ on desire.  I am thus reminded of what I knew, which is that it is desires that cause us to keep reincarnating, whether ‘astrally’ or physically.

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So, what are my True desires?  While this very question, regarding the heart’s deepest desires, forms part of morning devotions, I would look at it here, afresh.

For this incarnation it is difficult to find desires, within.  Though that may sound ridiculous, it is so.  I do not care much for food, and eat only—well, largely—of necessity.  I do not eat out.

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A mate?  No, not really.  I would not turn it down, should my Path lead that way, but all I am aware of desiring is companionship of light.  This does not take a mate.

Wealth?  Not at all.  Though there are several entries in morning devotions toward precipitation of both gold and cash, this ‘desire’ had to be ginned up.  I do not work with the Law of Attraction because I just don’t desire the wealth. 

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In order to come up with a desire for money, it had to be put in terms of what desires require money, i.e., the travel to sacred sites, workshops, and so on.  Since these take money, okay.  For itself, however, or for other things it could buy, no thanks, beyond a basic sustenance.  We don’t own things—our things own us.

Not that I don't appreciate beautiful things.  Gems and artwork and lovely, quality garments are a pleasure; but they are just things.  There is no spirituality inherent in them.  One can as well appreciate them on others, or in others’ possession, as own them.  Owning things, in general, is a pain I do not appreciate.  Yes, a large part of me says, “Give me my mountain cave, and leave me alone.”

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Okay, so once I discovered that visiting the sacred sites would enable initiation, could trigger the DNA coding and development, right then and there the desire was born to travel.  I also have reverence for the work of Patricia Cori, and deeply desire, for largely the same reasons, to attend her adventures and DNA workshops.

The reason is the same: to get Home the more quickly (in consciousness), but moreso, to get past the necessary “me” stage of this earthly journey, i.e., to attain sufficient self-realization, and to have the body’s DNA restructured and restored.

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Then I may finally focus more entirely on the “others” stage of service to life.  Currently, my service is largely in the radiation of my consciousness across the ethers.  It serves, but I would do more.

True, there is much illusion surrounding  desire for a any sort of "doing.”  Perhaps it is in some measure a delusion that pulls me this way.  Nonetheless, I desire to serve, and to serve wisely and well, usefully; to really make a difference for people. 

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I deeply want to be the most aligned, light controlled being possible, and from that point or perspective, to leave the rest to God, to inner guidance and intuition: what to do, where, how, and all of that.

I have no further vision of it, but to perfect my vehicles as greatly as possible to enable the flow and transmission of light to and through them, and then to turn the whole affair over to Source.  We shall see.

What else?  There is something about crystals, and particularly about the light of the rainbow that plays through them onto any surface.  I actually hunger to gaze upon these, their brilliant colors and intensity an actual food for this soul.  I can gaze upon them for long, thoughtless periods, simply absorbing them...

Though not yet understood, this is clearly a desire: to get as much as possible of crystal-produced rainbow displays, the brighter the better.  No thought to it; just a visceral want.  It simply feels good.

Actually, it goes beyond that, for it seems to feed some inner part; what, I don’t know—nor care.  It simply is.  (Thank Source for the deep peace of the no-mind!)

What other desires can I find, within?  I have long cherished a desire to visit Scotland, perhaps Europe, in the hope of precipitating some past-life recall in visiting those lands far more anciently inhabited than America.  While this is no strong desire, and I have never made any plans around it, in seeking them all out, this one counts.

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Oh, darn!  Yes, I see that I must further expand my vision, to look at the self in its entirety.  Thus, I must not limit myself, foolishly, to only this one, dear planet, nor to this one dimension, the 3rd.  Darn!

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Oh, I could just cry!  I was sooooo hoping I would not find reason, i.e., desire, within, able to pull me into further physical incarnating.  It is not what I desire.  Okay, bravery is called for.  Onward!

There are probably other planets upon which I could take form of some sort and feed this desire to learn, to be ever pursuing the wonders and amazement of Source’s creation. 

Oh, this is terrible!  One cannot ever get to the end of God’s creation.  This means I could potentially be condemning myself to endless incarnations!  Yikes!!  Please, let it not be so!

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Argh!.  Okay, calmness.  Truth, that is what is called for.  Truth.  Lady Truth, what have you to say?  Can you please offer some guidance in this matter?

Lady Truth:  Yes, child, I can.  Do not fear.  There is no being of any sort, anywhere, who is enlightened in the slightest, who does not delight in and desire to continually see and grow with the ever widening vista of the wealth and beauty of God’s creation.  It is built in to the creatures, one and all.  So rest easy on that score.

But, dear Lady, will this desire to learn and grow this way pull me back into any kind of gross, physical incarnating?  I would that it not be so.

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Lady Truth:  Dear child, be at peace.  No, it need not be so.  You are experiencing the natural joyousness of the soul in the creation, Theresa.  This is not [a] call to gross, physical life. 

Ah, thank you.  This is great comfort, for I would look Truth squarely in the eye on this, and not hide from anything.  Do you see anything within me that you would like to point out?

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Lady Truth:  Yes, Theresa, I do.  You are naturally very swift to learn.  This is a requisite necessity for many services that God, the Lord, would have you to provide.  He would provide them through you, do you see?  What you are feeling is the very Lord, Herself, within you, desiring to serve, to give service, to love and be loved.  Rest in this, child.  Not all desires are wrong, or bad in any way.  Do you see?

Oh my, yes!  Oh, I am so grateful.  How amazing!  Yes, thank you.  I had about condemned desire of any kind to the trash can!  You have rescued them.  Thank you so much, dear, revered Lady Truth.  I love you, as you know.

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Lady Truth:  Yes, dear, I do.  You are dearly beloved, dear Theresa.  Rest in that.  Experience a little of it, please.  It would do you good.

I will.  Thank you.

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4:10 pm, same day

Ah, the most beautiful, lovely afternoon storm just came up.  My spirit exulted in it, overflowing with true, elemental delight.  I was rendered speechless by it, and went outside, thinking to get right out into it, even though dressed only in panties.  (Oh, the blessings of living alone in the woods ;-)

Ho ho, however, for the rain was quite cold, though the day was hot...So, instead, I contented myself with standing just outside the patio doors under the overhang, for my joyous participation in it.

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As the clouds darkened the skies, initially, I hurried to put my main crystal point on the window sill, as Patricia Cori advises, sitting atop the Sirian Seal I usually wear about the neck.  It sat there, along with all the other natural, Arkansas crystals I could gather up right away...well, along with the amethyst points and clusters. 

I called upon the elementals to really kick it up, and to bring their abundant blessings to the crystals; to these, and all crystals, everywhere.  It was a most heart-felt call.

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And they did.  Though not of long duration, it thundered and blew and noised about quite nicely, and I exulted in the swaying tops of the tall trees all about.  Oh, such deeply satisfying delight!  Unto wordlessness it took me...and that is not so easy.

So, my grateful thanks I sent out the window, to all elemental life, and you know, it almost seemed I could hear the “You are welcome” in reply; really.  :-D

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*  Autobiography of a Yogi, by Paramahansa Yogananda, originally published in 1946; audio book read by Ben Kingsley in 1996.