2:40 pm, 11/18/2009, Wednesday, 6 Chuen/Monkey, (Composition info, including Mayan Calendar day)
Wow. Really, it could be that is about all that can be said, right now. This post may contain little else, but let’s see.
Just returned from Matrix Energetics training, levels 1 and 2. I highly recommend it. If you’re ready to let everything go—quite literally, though not physically—then you may well enjoy this “science and art of transformation,” for that is what it really is.
“Let go” as in the no-mind, as in being willing to surrender, to abandon all previous ways of viewing and perceiving; certainly to let go of thinking.
Okay, so this is perhaps the “biggest” transformation in my life (and that is really saying something). I have such eagerness to see and discover, to uncover what is different, what is new...about “me,” about everything. You wouldn’t believe how very eager I’ve been to come to this journal and enter into the discovery.
To those who still may not be quite in tune with the quantum aspects of journaling, please at least register what I’m saying about it. That which is hidden, that which you desire to get deeper into, is almost always (for no thing can be an ‘always’ in 3D-land) there awaiting you, in the journal flow. To heck with “why?”! It just IS. (And see my other postings.)
No, get the mental mind out of it; this is not anything the mind can grasp. But you can see it with the heart. The heart, the soul, even the body is better equipped to perceive and understand this. And, of course, ‘the proof is in the pudding.’ ‘Nuff said. Just drop into the heart.
Okay, so what is new?? Well, everything, for starters–and nothing. No, I haven’t sprouted wings, or any such; not physically, at least. ☼ What I’ve been saying, though, and it’s true, is that I don’t think I returned home with a single cell, atom, or molecule that I went to the training with. I just don’t see how there could possibly be a deeper transformation. It is well and truly said that this is a ‘technology of transformation.’ (Please check-out MatrixEnergetics.com )
Okay, and what’s different? I am. For one thing, I note all the use of “I,” which did not come easily to me, before. Why did I not choose to use the word “I,” before? It has to do with identification, and what one chooses to identify with.
When we enter a certain stage or level on our path Homeward (in awareness–not ‘heaven,’ or any such thing), we cease identifying with the physical body. No doubt most readers will be familiar with this, at least conceptually. It is so very simple: I am not that. D’uh.
Okay, so then perhaps there is a stage where we cease the use of the “I,” as it was used previously, during the time we are separating out, and entering to a broader concept of whatever it is that “I am.” Transitionally, it appears, we cease saying “I” and meaning the physical body, or the body/mind complex.
We don’t necessarily know just what we are, what “I am,” but we do know what we are not: we are definitely not limited to the body. Thus, for a time, the (admittedly) somewhat awkward divorcing from the common usage of the “I” pronoun. Okay, that’s easy enough to see–and it makes sense. (Not everything does, of course. It's getting almost spooky when stuff makes sense, lol!)
What next? Rather, what else? Heck, I don’t know! Now THERE’S something that’s true, at least mostly so: I don’t know. That is probably the most profound thing I or anyone else can say: "I don’t know." From where “I” stand right now, that’s the heart of it – and of Matrix Energetics.
Yes, it is the no-mind, but not in Buddhist, or any other commonly understood terms. It is all of that, and MORE...or is it less? Probably. Not to be flip, though, for this is serious, and it is real, provable, demonstrable. Bizarre, yes, but demonstrable...and even teachable.
Okay, it is true that there’s perhaps nothing that absolutely everyone can learn at any one point in (admittedly illusory) time. Why not? Well, everyone could learn it, but the issue is that not everyone will accept that. We have free will, so if we reject something, well, that’s that...at least for the moment. Thus, we’re powerful, and in control, whether we realize it or not. (See this; be this. Just step into it...It's fun and easy.)
Ha! It feels so funny to speak in terms of time, like this—which I don't believe in...as well as to be using so many “I”s in this writing. This is not at all like anything I recognize as self, or rather, as I recognize as the self that was...and there’s that time thing, again. What gives? Who am I?!
Who cares, right? What the heck, it is what it is, and it is real in this now, and that’s enough, and quite sufficient. I’m just along for the ride, lol...and rofl.
What else is, or is different? To heck with what is different...for that is to be tied down in time, and to be comparing one illusory point in time to another. Maybe that’s part of why this blog is coming out the way it is.
Okay, let’s find out. What is? Not ‘what is different?’ but just ‘what is?’ Nothing. Hmmm. What? Nothing? Yeah, that’s right. Nothing is. Ah! No thing is. Okay, that is ‘true.’
Oh dear, another one of my sacred cows is having troubles, here. I know, or at least I thought I knew, that truth cannot be contained in words; not in words of any kind, arrangement, or shape. Truth is too fill in the blank for that. That is what I knew...and what I think I might know, now. But let’s see...
Okay, truth cannot be spoken because words, themselves, are but symbolic mental creations, constructs used by the mind to transfer and share meaning. This, plus the fact that the mental mind cannot grasp Reality, cannot grok the Higher Truth, or Reality. This is what I once knew, anyway.
So, what do I now ‘know?’ Nothing. Darn. Heck. How does one get around that? One doesn’t, is what I hear from within. Hmmm. But I thought that was perhaps the one real truth that I knew, dad-gum it! I really felt I knew that. What gives?
No thing is real. No thing is. All is illusory, is illusion, of one sort or another. (These are the words I hear, within. Thus begins a conversation...with who or what I’ve no clue.)
Within: Sit up straighter.
Me: Okay. Done.
Within: Let go of everything you thought you knew.
Me: Okay. Actually, I thought I’d already done that. Guess not. I still seem to feel I know this particular something. Help me let it go.
Within: Alright, realize that it is not possible, with the mentality of 3D, to know diddly squat. Nothing is knowable, there; absolutely nothing at all.
Me: But truth with a capital T cannot be known in 3D. This I do know!
Within: No, you don’t. You only think you do, and it is getting, or will get, in your way; in the way of your infinite possibilities.
Me: Oh. Hadn’t considered that. Heck, and this is just the first thing I’m running into that I seem to think I know. And here I also thought I’d accepted the reality that nothing can be known. How MPD* we are, as humanity. Always running into our self.
Within: What you are is what you are. Don’t put any strictures or limitations on that.
Me: Okay. So, it appears that a knowing of any kind—even an almost true one—is limiting.
Within: Yes! That’s right. That’s it. No thing means no thing; not something, or mostly no thing.
Me: Okay. This is so strange, though. I keep wanting to argue with this. Please pardon me, while I argue just a tiny bit, okay?
Within: Of course.
Me: So, what about this: Truth (note the capital “t”) cannot be known or grasped or stated in any way with words. Does that work, and if not, why not?
Within: Yes, it appears to work, at first, but that is because you have a left brain that is not quite tame, that is intruding. Think about it; is not this, too, a mental knowing?
Me: OMG. I’m speechless. Yeah, I guess it is. It must be, right? I stated it with words. Hells bells!! What kind of a bind am I getting my “self” into, here? Am I to be completely tongue-tied?
Within: Maybe. I would say “What do you think?’ but I won’t, for obvious reasons. Please, don’t think. That serves best, okay?
Me: Well, okay...maybe. This is so unimaginable, though.
Within: Stop! Do not limit the imagination.
Me: Hmmm. Okay, I see that. I’ll just say it’s challenging to imagine, then. It is certainly and definitely some ‘place’ I’ve not been before.
Within: Yes. And you’re still thinking.
Me: Oh, heck! What am I to say, nothing?! And how is that helpful...in a journal, of all things?
Within: And you expect an answer to that?
Me: Well...yeah, I guess. Heck, mutter, mutter, mumble... This is too strange... No, it’s not. Oh my gosh, maybe I’m going nuts. I’ve heard the line between sanity and insanity is kinda vague...
Hmmm. When all you can say is hmmm. Inner Self, would you please rescue ‘me’ here? What gives? Must I give up journaling? Talk about just plain unimaginable!
Within: If you can be silent for a time, I can assist; not otherwise.
Me: Okay, agreed. There, I’m zipping my lips, see?
Within: We’ll see, I’m sure. ... (Pregnant pause.) Good. Now, please imagine, as follows: You are not. Said otherwise, you are naught. You are also nought, as in zero. Get used to it, okay. Yes, that’s right: try it on for size, so to speak. Let it settle in.
You are not. Non being, non reality. Actually, it is non-duality, but that is not yet obvious. It will be, will become so. Just open to this. Be gentle with it, with yourself. You are nought.
As nought, you have literally the world at your proverbial fingertips, and so much more; the Cosmos, in reality, and even beyond that, for the Cosmos is structural, and nought is unlimited in every way. The only thing it isn’t is something...and you are already well acquainted with the unreality of every ‘something.’ ("Somethings" are some real ‘no-things,’ of course.)
Yes, you’re right about that: Source does, indeed, have a worthy sense of humor, which you are only now beginning to touch or grasp. Just keep imagining, that’s right. Never limit the imagination, for it is your vehicle into the suchness, into the no thing.
That’s right...yes, of course I’m hearing your thoughts. And of course it’s well to record this, to help the poor dear readers. Anyway, yes, it is right not to entertain any concern about whether this journal posting will make any sense at all. Just accept that it won’t, and be okay with that.
Very good. I see you settling into that knowing.
Yes, you must, of course, be unattached to what people think of you. Up to now, you did not care about that, but in a general way. Being a hermit is true general unconcern. This is now a specific way of letting go of what people think, to put something out like this journal entry; a specific unconcern.
Yes, you will lose readers. So what? Do you care? It does not matter. The seed is planted, the energy shared, and it will bear fruit in others, or it will not. It does not matter.
The reality is that it is no concern of Yours. Yes, Yours, capital ‘Y.’ Got a problem with that? No, I thought not.
Of course, the reality is that no one can actually ‘do’ anything. It is just a mass illusion that appears to be true, that people ‘do things.’ In reality, no thing happens. No thing is done.
Yes, this is much like what Nisargadatta says. That’s true. Now hush.
There is no do-er...least of all You. Things happen, that is all. They just happen.
It is fun to let and to watch things happen. Just do that. Then You will begin to really See the magic show that is on-going. Right now you, and most people, are so caught up in the pieces that you cannot see the Whole.
Yes, of course, to see the Whole one must back off, must get some distance. Thus, the letting go, the recognition of the no-thing. Yes, like seeing the trees for the forest–which you’ve got backwards. Now hush! Still that thing!
Very good. Lesson over.
Me: Arghhhh! ... and Ooooooooooohmmmm.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
4:37 pm
Okay, that was strange. That’s all I’ll say about that.
Went back and read, and re-read this entry a number of times, getting deeper and deeper into it. Powerful. Changing. Transforming.
Yeah, still strange, but that’s okay. So what? And that which makes sense has done us so much good, thus far, right?? I think not. I’m open to this, anyway...and I trust that at least a few others are, as well.
There are not words for the experience. Let’s just say it’s experiential; it’s accessible, experience-able. That’s probably even saying too much.
For assistance in understanding it—which can’t really be done, but what the heck—I recommend Sri Nisargadatta in I AM THAT. Eckhart Tolle is good, and so is Anthony de Mello in “Awakening.” (Of course, the Matrix Energetics founder, Richard Bartlett, has a radio show and a couple of books out already. Those are obvious bets.)
Finally, just go to a seminar, to a training. If you're already "half-way there," as I was, this could well take you the rest of the way, ho ho. Wouldn't you just love to join me in this La La Land?? It's really fun—I promise. Wheeeeeeeeeeee!!!
Wow. Really, it could be that is about all that can be said, right now. This post may contain little else, but let’s see.
Just returned from Matrix Energetics training, levels 1 and 2. I highly recommend it. If you’re ready to let everything go—quite literally, though not physically—then you may well enjoy this “science and art of transformation,” for that is what it really is.
“Let go” as in the no-mind, as in being willing to surrender, to abandon all previous ways of viewing and perceiving; certainly to let go of thinking.
Okay, so this is perhaps the “biggest” transformation in my life (and that is really saying something). I have such eagerness to see and discover, to uncover what is different, what is new...about “me,” about everything. You wouldn’t believe how very eager I’ve been to come to this journal and enter into the discovery.
To those who still may not be quite in tune with the quantum aspects of journaling, please at least register what I’m saying about it. That which is hidden, that which you desire to get deeper into, is almost always (for no thing can be an ‘always’ in 3D-land) there awaiting you, in the journal flow. To heck with “why?”! It just IS. (And see my other postings.)
No, get the mental mind out of it; this is not anything the mind can grasp. But you can see it with the heart. The heart, the soul, even the body is better equipped to perceive and understand this. And, of course, ‘the proof is in the pudding.’ ‘Nuff said. Just drop into the heart.
Okay, so what is new?? Well, everything, for starters–and nothing. No, I haven’t sprouted wings, or any such; not physically, at least. ☼ What I’ve been saying, though, and it’s true, is that I don’t think I returned home with a single cell, atom, or molecule that I went to the training with. I just don’t see how there could possibly be a deeper transformation. It is well and truly said that this is a ‘technology of transformation.’ (Please check-out MatrixEnergetics.com )
Okay, and what’s different? I am. For one thing, I note all the use of “I,” which did not come easily to me, before. Why did I not choose to use the word “I,” before? It has to do with identification, and what one chooses to identify with.
When we enter a certain stage or level on our path Homeward (in awareness–not ‘heaven,’ or any such thing), we cease identifying with the physical body. No doubt most readers will be familiar with this, at least conceptually. It is so very simple: I am not that. D’uh.
Okay, so then perhaps there is a stage where we cease the use of the “I,” as it was used previously, during the time we are separating out, and entering to a broader concept of whatever it is that “I am.” Transitionally, it appears, we cease saying “I” and meaning the physical body, or the body/mind complex.
We don’t necessarily know just what we are, what “I am,” but we do know what we are not: we are definitely not limited to the body. Thus, for a time, the (admittedly) somewhat awkward divorcing from the common usage of the “I” pronoun. Okay, that’s easy enough to see–and it makes sense. (Not everything does, of course. It's getting almost spooky when stuff makes sense, lol!)
What next? Rather, what else? Heck, I don’t know! Now THERE’S something that’s true, at least mostly so: I don’t know. That is probably the most profound thing I or anyone else can say: "I don’t know." From where “I” stand right now, that’s the heart of it – and of Matrix Energetics.
Yes, it is the no-mind, but not in Buddhist, or any other commonly understood terms. It is all of that, and MORE...or is it less? Probably. Not to be flip, though, for this is serious, and it is real, provable, demonstrable. Bizarre, yes, but demonstrable...and even teachable.
Okay, it is true that there’s perhaps nothing that absolutely everyone can learn at any one point in (admittedly illusory) time. Why not? Well, everyone could learn it, but the issue is that not everyone will accept that. We have free will, so if we reject something, well, that’s that...at least for the moment. Thus, we’re powerful, and in control, whether we realize it or not. (See this; be this. Just step into it...It's fun and easy.)
Ha! It feels so funny to speak in terms of time, like this—which I don't believe in...as well as to be using so many “I”s in this writing. This is not at all like anything I recognize as self, or rather, as I recognize as the self that was...and there’s that time thing, again. What gives? Who am I?!
Who cares, right? What the heck, it is what it is, and it is real in this now, and that’s enough, and quite sufficient. I’m just along for the ride, lol...and rofl.
What else is, or is different? To heck with what is different...for that is to be tied down in time, and to be comparing one illusory point in time to another. Maybe that’s part of why this blog is coming out the way it is.
Okay, let’s find out. What is? Not ‘what is different?’ but just ‘what is?’ Nothing. Hmmm. What? Nothing? Yeah, that’s right. Nothing is. Ah! No thing is. Okay, that is ‘true.’
Oh dear, another one of my sacred cows is having troubles, here. I know, or at least I thought I knew, that truth cannot be contained in words; not in words of any kind, arrangement, or shape. Truth is too fill in the blank for that. That is what I knew...and what I think I might know, now. But let’s see...
Okay, truth cannot be spoken because words, themselves, are but symbolic mental creations, constructs used by the mind to transfer and share meaning. This, plus the fact that the mental mind cannot grasp Reality, cannot grok the Higher Truth, or Reality. This is what I once knew, anyway.
So, what do I now ‘know?’ Nothing. Darn. Heck. How does one get around that? One doesn’t, is what I hear from within. Hmmm. But I thought that was perhaps the one real truth that I knew, dad-gum it! I really felt I knew that. What gives?
No thing is real. No thing is. All is illusory, is illusion, of one sort or another. (These are the words I hear, within. Thus begins a conversation...with who or what I’ve no clue.)
Within: Sit up straighter.
Me: Okay. Done.
Within: Let go of everything you thought you knew.
Me: Okay. Actually, I thought I’d already done that. Guess not. I still seem to feel I know this particular something. Help me let it go.
Within: Alright, realize that it is not possible, with the mentality of 3D, to know diddly squat. Nothing is knowable, there; absolutely nothing at all.
Me: But truth with a capital T cannot be known in 3D. This I do know!
Within: No, you don’t. You only think you do, and it is getting, or will get, in your way; in the way of your infinite possibilities.
Me: Oh. Hadn’t considered that. Heck, and this is just the first thing I’m running into that I seem to think I know. And here I also thought I’d accepted the reality that nothing can be known. How MPD* we are, as humanity. Always running into our self.
Within: What you are is what you are. Don’t put any strictures or limitations on that.
Me: Okay. So, it appears that a knowing of any kind—even an almost true one—is limiting.
Within: Yes! That’s right. That’s it. No thing means no thing; not something, or mostly no thing.
Me: Okay. This is so strange, though. I keep wanting to argue with this. Please pardon me, while I argue just a tiny bit, okay?
Within: Of course.
Me: So, what about this: Truth (note the capital “t”) cannot be known or grasped or stated in any way with words. Does that work, and if not, why not?
Within: Yes, it appears to work, at first, but that is because you have a left brain that is not quite tame, that is intruding. Think about it; is not this, too, a mental knowing?
Me: OMG. I’m speechless. Yeah, I guess it is. It must be, right? I stated it with words. Hells bells!! What kind of a bind am I getting my “self” into, here? Am I to be completely tongue-tied?
Within: Maybe. I would say “What do you think?’ but I won’t, for obvious reasons. Please, don’t think. That serves best, okay?
Me: Well, okay...maybe. This is so unimaginable, though.
Within: Stop! Do not limit the imagination.
Me: Hmmm. Okay, I see that. I’ll just say it’s challenging to imagine, then. It is certainly and definitely some ‘place’ I’ve not been before.
Within: Yes. And you’re still thinking.
Me: Oh, heck! What am I to say, nothing?! And how is that helpful...in a journal, of all things?
Within: And you expect an answer to that?
Me: Well...yeah, I guess. Heck, mutter, mutter, mumble... This is too strange... No, it’s not. Oh my gosh, maybe I’m going nuts. I’ve heard the line between sanity and insanity is kinda vague...
Hmmm. When all you can say is hmmm. Inner Self, would you please rescue ‘me’ here? What gives? Must I give up journaling? Talk about just plain unimaginable!
Within: If you can be silent for a time, I can assist; not otherwise.
Me: Okay, agreed. There, I’m zipping my lips, see?
Within: We’ll see, I’m sure. ... (Pregnant pause.) Good. Now, please imagine, as follows: You are not. Said otherwise, you are naught. You are also nought, as in zero. Get used to it, okay. Yes, that’s right: try it on for size, so to speak. Let it settle in.
You are not. Non being, non reality. Actually, it is non-duality, but that is not yet obvious. It will be, will become so. Just open to this. Be gentle with it, with yourself. You are nought.
As nought, you have literally the world at your proverbial fingertips, and so much more; the Cosmos, in reality, and even beyond that, for the Cosmos is structural, and nought is unlimited in every way. The only thing it isn’t is something...and you are already well acquainted with the unreality of every ‘something.’ ("Somethings" are some real ‘no-things,’ of course.)
Yes, you’re right about that: Source does, indeed, have a worthy sense of humor, which you are only now beginning to touch or grasp. Just keep imagining, that’s right. Never limit the imagination, for it is your vehicle into the suchness, into the no thing.
That’s right...yes, of course I’m hearing your thoughts. And of course it’s well to record this, to help the poor dear readers. Anyway, yes, it is right not to entertain any concern about whether this journal posting will make any sense at all. Just accept that it won’t, and be okay with that.
Very good. I see you settling into that knowing.
Yes, you must, of course, be unattached to what people think of you. Up to now, you did not care about that, but in a general way. Being a hermit is true general unconcern. This is now a specific way of letting go of what people think, to put something out like this journal entry; a specific unconcern.
Yes, you will lose readers. So what? Do you care? It does not matter. The seed is planted, the energy shared, and it will bear fruit in others, or it will not. It does not matter.
The reality is that it is no concern of Yours. Yes, Yours, capital ‘Y.’ Got a problem with that? No, I thought not.
Of course, the reality is that no one can actually ‘do’ anything. It is just a mass illusion that appears to be true, that people ‘do things.’ In reality, no thing happens. No thing is done.
Yes, this is much like what Nisargadatta says. That’s true. Now hush.
There is no do-er...least of all You. Things happen, that is all. They just happen.
It is fun to let and to watch things happen. Just do that. Then You will begin to really See the magic show that is on-going. Right now you, and most people, are so caught up in the pieces that you cannot see the Whole.
Yes, of course, to see the Whole one must back off, must get some distance. Thus, the letting go, the recognition of the no-thing. Yes, like seeing the trees for the forest–which you’ve got backwards. Now hush! Still that thing!
Very good. Lesson over.
Me: Arghhhh! ... and Ooooooooooohmmmm.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
4:37 pm
Okay, that was strange. That’s all I’ll say about that.
Went back and read, and re-read this entry a number of times, getting deeper and deeper into it. Powerful. Changing. Transforming.
Yeah, still strange, but that’s okay. So what? And that which makes sense has done us so much good, thus far, right?? I think not. I’m open to this, anyway...and I trust that at least a few others are, as well.
There are not words for the experience. Let’s just say it’s experiential; it’s accessible, experience-able. That’s probably even saying too much.
For assistance in understanding it—which can’t really be done, but what the heck—I recommend Sri Nisargadatta in I AM THAT. Eckhart Tolle is good, and so is Anthony de Mello in “Awakening.” (Of course, the Matrix Energetics founder, Richard Bartlett, has a radio show and a couple of books out already. Those are obvious bets.)
Finally, just go to a seminar, to a training. If you're already "half-way there," as I was, this could well take you the rest of the way, ho ho. Wouldn't you just love to join me in this La La Land?? It's really fun—I promise. Wheeeeeeeeeeee!!!
Wherever they are held there is generally a free Friday-night session, where, for a couple of hours or so, you can sit and bask in the non-sense, the no-thing of Matrix Energetics, of this energy. In 'person' (not that there is any such thing as a person, mind you), is best.
Heck, maybe then this blog entry will even make sense to you! What a thought. rofl.
If it does, though, please, don’t try to explain it to me. I might lose my mind...or rather, that portion of it that still remains. Using the left brain is getting more and more painful...or strange...or something...and I want to keep it that way. Gotta train the darn thing, somehow, and heck, maybe this will work. This letting go stuff is actually kinda fun, once you get into it.
I do accept, though, and seriously, that not thinking is best. Challenging, it is; but best. Thus, I am not currently open to any kind of left-minded discussion. Maybe later. Who knows? Open, I am, but not to that.
Where is this leading? I could not care less*. It does what it does, and goes where it goes...and I am just along for the ride, as far as I can tell...whatever the heck “I” is. Hell’s bells. Ding-dong, ding-dong. Yes, I’m coming, I’m coming.
Whatever... Guess I could have stopped with “Wow.” ☺
* MPD = Multiple Personality Disorder
Heck, maybe then this blog entry will even make sense to you! What a thought. rofl.
If it does, though, please, don’t try to explain it to me. I might lose my mind...or rather, that portion of it that still remains. Using the left brain is getting more and more painful...or strange...or something...and I want to keep it that way. Gotta train the darn thing, somehow, and heck, maybe this will work. This letting go stuff is actually kinda fun, once you get into it.
I do accept, though, and seriously, that not thinking is best. Challenging, it is; but best. Thus, I am not currently open to any kind of left-minded discussion. Maybe later. Who knows? Open, I am, but not to that.
Where is this leading? I could not care less*. It does what it does, and goes where it goes...and I am just along for the ride, as far as I can tell...whatever the heck “I” is. Hell’s bells. Ding-dong, ding-dong. Yes, I’m coming, I’m coming.
Whatever... Guess I could have stopped with “Wow.” ☺
* MPD = Multiple Personality Disorder
** Yeah, it is not strictly correct to say “I could care less.” That would mean that you do care, at least a little, right?...because you could care less.
PS I’m not a certified practitioner, just a graduate of Level 1 and Level 2; a relative newbie.
New to the concepts and the foundations of it I’m not, though. Theoretical quantum physics has been a love of mine for some time, along with near-death studies, and so much else that resonates with Matrix Energetics.
Thus, maybe like you, I was already 'this' before "I" found this (Matrix Energetics). It is a beautiful fit. Wheeeeeee!!
